Stability in Romantic Relationships, by Wallace McCanless

            Marriage longevity and stability are desired characteristics in a relationship but are not always obtained. There are several factors that may contribute to the stability or dissolution of a marriage or dating relationship. These factors are suggested as having significant predictions in both stability and dissolution. The components that served as significant predictors included but are not limited to: how a couple handles conflict, perceived partner responsiveness and partner- enhancement versus self-enhancement. Each of the three studies focused on different aspects of marriage and dating relationships but all three contribute to a larger perspective and understanding of how both might function when certain criterion are met.

            In a study conducted by John Gottman in 1993, he attempted to formulate a theory of marital dissolution and stability. He specifically focused on factors contributing to or working against the possibility of marital stability.  The theoretical framework describing a cascade toward marital dissolution was constructed. The cascade process suggests a series of events leading to dissolution. The first is criticism, then contempt, defensiveness, and finally stonewalling (withdrawal from interaction). These are termed as “the four horsemen”. The results of his study suggest that these are particularly corrosive to marital stability. This cascade is called the distance and isolation cascade. When the couple achieves the level of stonewalling, the two are more likely to have become distant and attempt to resolve conflict or problems individually rather than seeking resolution together. The conflict resolution process proved to be a positive precursor for the couples who showed significant stability, which supports the notion that compatibility is not the determinate of a stable relationship, but how the couple handles the inevitable incompatibilities they will encounter (G. Levinger, 1966). This cascade is speculated to begin with flooding (the partner’s unexpected or unprovoked negative emotions), which involves the partner avoiding interaction at all costs. For men to feel flooded it takes nothing more than criticism, and for women contempt is enough to feel flooded. These are suggested to be the beginning stages, if left unchecked, of marital dissolution.

            There was evidence of three types of stable marriages: volatile, validating, and conflict-avoiding. Volatile couples are the highest in emotional expressivity, the validating couples the second highest, and the conflict-avoiding couples are the lowest. In all three types of couples, when engaging in interaction they had a positive-to-negative ratio of 5:1, whereas the unstable marriages were 0.8:1 (Gottman, 1993). Positive interactions play a large role in the stability of relationships. These interactions may result from responsiveness to the other partner, interpersonal goals and partner-enhancement. All three of these have been shown to contribute to the success of a good relationship and stable marriage.

            Perceived partner responsiveness is linked to close, satisfying relationships. This responsiveness involves turning into and reacting to others’ states (A. Canevello & J. Crocker, 2010). One way to achieve responsiveness and perceived responsiveness is to set compassionate interpersonal goals. Rather than only having interpersonal goals to maintain self-image, setting interpersonal goals to support others may initiate responsiveness and its projection and reciprocation in relationships, which in turn predicts relationship quality and reinforces interpersonal goals for both relationship partners. The results from this study suggest that both projection and reciprocation of responsiveness associated with compassionate goals initiate responsiveness that enhances relationship quality for both partners (Canevello & Crocker, 2010).

            Self-enhancement or partner-enhancement was found to have a significant impact in dating relationships and marriages. How one might view him/herself may positively or negatively influence a relationship. Most individuals want to view themselves positively, but they also want to view their relationship partners positively as well. One theory is that in lasting relationships people tend to rate the partner more positively than the self. This may be an important component when considering how to achieve a stable relationship. In the contrary, self-enhancement may imply depreciation for the partner if the self is viewed more positively than the partner. This depreciation for the partner is also connected with dissatisfaction and dissolution of the relationship. This suggests that relationship quality predicted partner-perceptions more strongly than self-perceptions (Morry, Reich & Kito, 2010).

            In conclusion, relationship quality, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, stability and dissolution may be attained through various avenues. The ability of a couple to interact and resolve problems was shown to be a convincing predictor of marital stability. This information may be extremely important for married couples, because the lack of this ability may be indicative of dissolution if left unchecked. Based on the results from these studies, to ensure a good, satisfying, stable marriage, positive interaction, partner-enhancement, partner responsiveness and perceived partner responsiveness may be essential. Although there may be signs of marital dissatisfaction or dissolution, the results offer many ways to achieve a balanced, stable relationship. They may suggest what to look out for, but they also suggest ways to resolve these concerns before dissolution becomes inevitable.

Bibliography

Canevello, A., & Crocker, J. (2010). Creating Good Relationships: Responsiveness, Relationship Quality, and Interpersonal Goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 78-106.

Gottman, J. (1993). A Theory of Marital Dissolution and Stability. Journal of Family Psychology , 57-75.

Levinger, G. (1966). Sources of Marital Dissatisfaction Among Applicants for Divorce. American Journal of Orthopychiatry , 803-807.

Morry, M. M., Reich, T., & Kito, M. (2010). How Do I see You Relative to Myself? Relationship Quality as a Predictor of Self-and Partner-Enhancement Within Cross-Sex Friendships, Dating Relationships, and Marriages. The Journal of Social Psychology , 369-392.