Chinese Parents and Children in U.S. and China by HuiYi Huang

“Asian Americans are one of the fastest-growing minority groups in the USA, and Chinese constitute the largest group” (Chen, 263). Chinese population becomes one of the most important immigrant populations, and nearly one of five children is Chinese in the United States. However, most Chinese immigrant parents and children change their behaviors after they migrate to America, the great and significant differences of Chinese parents and children between living in U.S. and China are through four aspects that are language, education, relationship, and economic.

The first biggest problem to effect Chinese parents and children is language. One research defines that “parents talked at length about the difficulty of assimilating into the U.S. society because of language barriers and perceived discrimination” (Qin,27). Parents do not have any confidence to live in this brand-new environment, so they love to live in China more than live in U.S. In China, both of them do not care about this language, because they think this is not a big deal for them. Everyone speaks Chinese in China, and they do not need to speak English while working. However, their psychological thoughts change imperceptibly after migrating to United States. They need to accept a new language environment and try their best to get involve into this country. Chinese parents always think English is the hardest language for them to learn and speak, and most of them choose to give up studying this language. An article describes that “Parents frequently mentioned ‘‘pressure’’ and ‘‘worry’’ related to their new living situation” (Qin, 27). Negative psychological changes often depresses parents. Nevertheless, I find out one interesting thing is that the differences between father and mother in America. Mothers usually want to learn some basic oral speaking and try very hard to remember how to pronounce. But fathers are never care about study a language, and the only thing they care is to get a job and earn money. Another common thing is that they will learn English because of the citizen test. Language not only changes children mental minds, but also impacts their learning skills. In China, teachers use Chinese to teach English, and English is just one main subject to study. Children need to learn Chinese and English both times in the schools. In China, children are also need to study ancient Chinese language so that students put more times to remember the actual meaning of that ancient Chinese language. The main idea of learning English is to study its grammar, construct sentences, and write essays. Children are not requiring speaking English all the times, and they are only need to focus on getting a good grade. At this time, girls pay more attention than boys while learning English and girls get a better grade than boys at English tests. In my opinion, I don’t think girls’ advantages keep the same when they study in America. In the United States, every student’s main purpose is to learn English and fluency in using English around their living environment. In my experience, everyone can become a good English speaker if they do their best to learn hard, no matter girls or boys. One research essay expresses that “Children tended to learn English and the cultural values of the American society much faster than their parents” (Qin, 27). Children are in developing status so that they accept new things easier and faster than their parents. Hard working on English becomes the most important thing for immigrant children to do. Different language becomes a significant effect about parenting style of children education.

Parents’ educational style often influences a child’s development. Different language also leads children to other ways of growth. In China, most parents are authoritarian parenting, which they are not listening to their children thinking and feeling, they push children to study, they give very high expectations to children. According to Chen’s article, he indicates that “parents had high expectations about academic performance and moral values” (263). Children frequently do not have free times to do something else, and they might not have their own interests. Studying every subject becomes the extreme important thing in children lives. In elementary and secondary school, children need to study those subjects: Chinese, mathematics, English, chemistry, physics, geography, history, physical education, politics, and computer. Chinese students also have morning reading times and evening homework times. In most Chinese schools, morning reading times is 15 to 20 minutes to read Chinese or English textbook with whole class students. Evening homework times is 15 minutes to do some Chinese or English practice problems, and then students need to stay in the classroom to finish their required homework in two classes’ period. Chinese students are also must to buy other exercise books to build their knowledge foundation. Each student must buy and do two or three different exercise books of every subject. “Chinese students were more likely to fulfill their parents’ expectations on academic performance” (Chen,240). Buying and working on those workbooks not only want to learn more, but also those workbooks represent their parents’ high expectations. Finishing those workbooks are the same as achieving one of their parents’ expectations. Parents think the times of being an excellent elementary and secondary student is the necessary thing. They believe children who have a good grade in elementary school can enroll to study in a better secondary school, and a child who gets a good grade in secondary school can choose a better university. Parents finally trust that a child who can graduate from this university can get the best job and earn lots of money. So, some parents would like to pay extra money for their children to learn more professional knowledge in tutor center. Final report card is the most symbolic thing for parents to determine their children’ learning. Moreover, parents easier to know what happened to their children, because teachers usually like to contact parents to solve children’ invisible problems, such as why the grade decreased and why children did not pay attention in the class. Children always feel great pressure and upset when teachers talk to their parents. The saddest thing is parents love to compare their children to other children and angry with their own children if they do not do well.

On the other hand, parents become permissive parenting style after they migrate from China in my view. I talk to some Chinese parents, and the most popular thing they tell me is that they do not know how to teach their children to study in English. Further, they do not want to push children to study very hard, because they want children to know and understand their future is depended on their self-awareness and their choices. Chinese immigrant parents begin less care about their children’ grades and hope their children to become an assiduous independent worker. Parents will be asked to buy something from children if children got a good grade in some semesters. Parents cannot make a comparison with other children in the United States, because parents do not have many friends here. In the meantime, Chinese immigrant children definitely feel free after their parents were away to work. I remembered I loved shopping alone in the holiday when I was high school student, because my parents needed to work every day whether holiday or weekends. Honestly, I was happy and excited to go outside by myself without letting my parents to know about this. I did not like they told me to save my money and did not waste my money on clothes, shoes, and something else. I chose to go outside secretly only because of my parents’ wordy and repetitive words. Children become two extreme different separate groups of people. One group is hard-working and studious people, and another group of people become lazy and excessive playful people. The group of people who love studying desire to learn more and do their best to get enroll in the best university. However, the other group of people who loves playing think about passing the classes with C is good enough for them and discuss the places they want to go playing after school. Parents’ management and expectation no longer cannot control them. Thereby, relationship between parents and children has some huge and great changes.

Having and keeping a pleasant and appropriate relationship between parents and children not only assist parents to teach their children better, but it also is an excellent approach for children development. But, most Chinese immigrant parents and children do not have a good relationship, because they always have arguments. “Both Chinese American boys and girls reported poor or ineffective communication with their parents, which contributed to increased conflict between parents and adolescents and emotional distress of the adolescents” (Chen, 263). Conflict is the most important reason for getting a worse relationship between Chinese parents and children. “Parents mostly hung onto old ways of communication, dictated by the hierarchical relations and roles between them and their children” (Qin, 28). Furthermore, “They expected their children to listen to them without talking back or challenging them, just as they used to obey their own parents growing up in China” (Qin, 28). Chinese immigrant children always think communication with their parents is too difficult to continue, and children have their own opinions about everything, which they consider a good idea is not to listen to their parents.  According to Qin’s research article, she identifies that children are “felt frustrated that they must obey their parents and could not communicate openly or share their thoughts with their parents” (28). At the same side, Zhou states that “intergenerational gaps in cultural orientations impose risk for offspring’s maladjustment in immigrant families, partly because they make it more challenging for parents to exercise supportive or authoritative parenting, thus creating tension or conflict in the parent– child relationship” (198). Parents try very hard to change their old mind and apply new concepts into their old-fashioned brain. When parents feel children challenge their rights and not listen to them, they will be angry and have more conflicts with their children. In my view, a good relationship should have a proper and careful communication. Qin also agrees my description that “positive parent–child relations, characterized by high warmth and acceptance, and positive, open parent–child communication have been found to correlate with a wide range of positive adolescent outcomes, including lower internalizing, externalizing, and substance use problems, and higher psychosocial competence” (24). Comparing Chinese parents between the United States and China, I find out the most significant different is parents who living in China show more cares and loves than those parents who living in the U.S. I think the main reason of this different because Chinese parents prefer speaking Chinese more than speaking English. Also, in China, mothers are the most valuable people to take care of each family member.

Economy is the final result of the differences of Chinese parents and children between in the United States and China. Chinese parents in China always hope to earn more money, but they know that this is not the first important thing in their family. It is because they believe their children future is the most important thing in their family. They also understand that it is easier for them to find a job if they have a unique skill, however, they do not want their children to learn this skill. This unique skill only serves for the hardest job, so parents do not want their children to work this hard job. They do not like to share their work experiences to their children, such as how hard the job is and what they must to do in this job. Nevertheless, Chinese immigrant parents’ purpose is that money is everything and very difficult for them to find a nice job. Some parents do not like to work in chinatown, because they realize that they need health insurance and holiday benefits. The job in chinatown are very tired and less money. Qin explains that “the stress and constant worry stemming from perceived economic insecurity were present in both working-class and middle-class families” (27). Chinese parents wonder how they can earn more money to have a better living environment.  Children are also finding part-time job to buy their favorite things, and their parents never have times to care them. This is totally different condition in China that parents never allow children to find part-time job and let them to stay at home or library.

It is very interesting that every aspect of differences effect each other. Different language environment changes Chinese parents and children psychologically, and then this impacts main ideas of educating children. Chinese parents trust that children have to study for going to the best schools so that they can become the one they want to be, and actually parents always want their children to become the rich and successful people. Yet, Chinese immigrant parents only want their children to understand their future depends on them so that they study or not which based on them. Both of language and education are effecting their relationship. Hard to communicate and to get the same opinions are leading their relationship to become much worse than before. Less cares and free to do everything are the major causes of divide a family into several parts. In conclusion, an equation comes out that parents who earn money=losing a good relationship with their children+missing their children development+children getting lost about their future.

Work Cited Page

Yuwen, W., and A. C. C. Chen. "Chinese American Adolescents: Perceived Parenting Styles And Adolescents' Psychosocial Health." International Nursing Review 60.2 (2013): 236-243. Academic Search Complete. Web. 13 Nov. 2014.

Chen, Stephen H., et al. "Parent–Child Cultural Orientations And Child Adjustment In Chinese American Immigrant Families." Developmental Psychology 50.1 (2014): 189-201. PsycARTICLES. Web. 13 Nov. 2014.

Qin, Desirée. "Doing Well Vs. Feeling Well: Understanding Family Dynamics And The Psychological Adjustment Of Chinese Immigrant Adolescents." Journal Of Youth & Adolescence 37.1 (2008): 22-35. Academic Search Complete. Web. 13 Nov. 2014.