Spirituality in Adulthood by Karina Polcaster

You heard the church bell or gong, went in, actively participated in a series of corporate worship, and left feeling a little lighter or you left feeling heavier than you did before. The act of going to church can surely stir up feelings, emotions, and something inexplicable inside. It could be conviction, a sting of knowing that you were guilty of a particular deed you partook in. Or it could also be the sense of an undeniable sense of peace, even through the worse season in your life. Does that ring a bell? Whether you called it a temple or church, and whether you were a visitor or were a member, you have had some type of interaction with that which is spiritual and religious. In light of one’s future adulthood, what would the benefit of remaining spiritual allow? Would it turn you away eventually from understanding reality? Or would you benefit from it in your marriage?

Marriage in Older Adults

Imagine yourself with gray or silver hair, relaxing on the front porch, rocking back and forth on your rocking chair with your significant other. After so many years of marriage you both are satisfied with your marriage, have fulfilled all of your work other obligations, and are finally enjoying retirement. Life could not get any more perfect because you imagine your life to be a scene straight out of The Notebook.  However, movies can never depict reality the way it is for most. Not everyone will get the chance to fall asleep and peacefully die with their significant other. Many are faced to watch their loved one get diagnosed with a disease and watch them deteriorate physically (Sad thought, I know). Others perhaps do not see a tragic event coming and are suddenly ripped away from their husband or wife in a blink of an eye. These hypothetical cases are thoughts that older adults have to think about when coming into terms of their mortality. As young adults, one’s “older adulthood” is considered to be 40, where they have finally settled down with their family and have successfully found their place in the workforce.

One’s concept of marriage could possibly be even more skewed than that of the belief of older adulthood during one’s young adulthood. Your husband or wife will NEVER argue with you, NEVER test your patience over leaving the toilet seat up, and will ALWAYS let you have T.V remote privileges (Tip: Stop thinking in absolutes or speaking with them. It will save you a lot of time). Young adults, let me warn you now, you are in for a huge life lesson if you go into marriage with these high expectations and myths of older adulthood and marriage. The reality is, both marriage and the stage of older adulthood can bring about different seasons in one’s life. By “season” I mean a period of time that is marked by major life event. For example, I have finally gotten out of the season that is my first year of marriage. In it, I have learned that the “first year is the worst” is not entirely true, but perhaps there are other factors in my life that play into this. It could be that my husband has an unshakeable temperament when I hog the remote control or that I am remarkably gracious (at times) when he leaves the toilet seat up. I cannot account that it is either personality or any other factor that can affect our actions. Yet in a study about spirituality and older adulthood, researchers have found that marriage during that developmental stage can be positively impacted by spirituality. 

Studies Say

A study by Sabey, Rauer, and Jakob entitled “Compassionate Love as a Mechanism Linking Sacred Qualities of Marriage to Older Couples’ Marital Satisfaction” intends to explain and give more insight to past research that has suggested that marriages that have “relationship maintenance”, which sanctification of marriage can provide, has allowed for there to be a link with greater marital satisfaction for both spouses (Sanctification for those who are unaware, is the process of God making you “holier” in a sense, in order to get you to look like Jesus). In essence, their findings revealed that a couple’s beliefs can influence their marriage greatly through sanctification. Their findings illustrated that their particular sample of participants’ factors (their personal perspective of their husband/wife in light of sanctification) that emanated from such religiosity allowed for a sense of motivation and encouragement to serve their significant other. (Sabey, A. K., Rauer, A. J., & Jensen, J. F., 2014)

Also an interesting topic in this research article, the writers suggest that the compassionate love that was found in the participants of this study proved to be one that can provide “a more selfless attitude” during tough times that typically cause stress and depression. A woman’s belief of sanctification on their marriage, as written, has allowed for them to become influential in the way that they serve their husband during their older ages, while they deal and cope with caregiving anxieties and approaches. Other studies suggest a similar positive outcome Kiesling, Montgomery, and Colwell in their research article suggest that older adults understand themselves in a unique way through religiosity and spirituality. Their study suggests that older adults have a way of acknowledging their life circumstances into “deeper understandings of life’s mysteries” (Kiesling, Montgomery, and Colwell, 2008).

What does This Mean?

One can hope that if they choose to be spiritual during older adulthood that one can come to understand life’s seasons and come out a positive and less stressed person. Going through adulthood and marriage can hold the possibility of going along well if one were to be divinely inspired. It is possible that spiritual discipline can develop one’s understanding to be centered towards servant-hood (being a helping hand to your spouse and those around you) than for living for one’s own self and desires. However, many religious and non-religious people can disagree. The life of a Christian, for example, is to be one that is expected to endure persecution, so how do the claims of “more positivity” in the research suggest? What is not being discussed in these different arguments? Feel free to post your own understanding on this topic.

References

Kiesling, C., Sorell, G. T., Montgomery, M. J., & Colwell, R. K. (2008). Identity and spirituality: A psychosocial exploration of the sense of spiritual self. Psychology Of Religion And Spirituality, S(1), 50-62. doi:10.1037/1941-1022.S.1.50

Sabey, A. K., Rauer, A. J., & Jensen, J. F. (2014). Compassionate love as a mechanism linking sacred qualities of marriage to older couples’ marital satisfaction.Journal Of Family Psychology, 28(5), 594-603. doi:10.1037/a0036991